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Many of today's popular
wedding ceremony and reception traditions can be traced to ancient
Egyptian and European customs. These were often based on symbolism,
superstition, folklore, religion, and even the belief that evil spirits
could bring disease and death to newlyweds and crops, which was very
important in many farm-based early cultures. Although the exact origin
and usefulness of many of these early wedding traditions are not always
clear, popular acceptance has allowed them to flourish. Besides, many of
these wedding traditions are just plain fun!
According to various
sources, some of the early marriages were literally carried out by the
Groom and his "Bridesmen" (or "Bridesknights") who would kidnap a woman
(the origin of "carrying a Bride over the threshold") from another
tribe! The Groom and his fellow conspirators would then fight off the
female's family of tribesmen with swords held in their right hand while
the Groom would hold the captured Bride in his left hand, which is the
origin of why a Bride stands on the left side of the Groom at a
wedding.
After a successful
capture, another politically correct practice was for the Groom to hide
his new Bride for one month for mating purposes. It is said that the
word "honeymoon" was created to describe this one month cycle of the
moon when they would drink mead, which was a honey sweetened alcoholic
brew that effects both sobriety and the acidity of the womb, thus
increasing fertility.
Beginning around 1000
A.D., marriages were often nothing more than trading chips used in
bartering land, social status, political alliances, or money (no checks
or credit cards were accepted) between families!
The word, "Wedding"
comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "wedd" that meant a man would marry a
woman and pay the Bride's father.
Bouquet
Wedding bouquets were
originally made of such strong herbs as thyme and garlic, which were
meant to frighten away evil spirits, and to cover the stench emitting
from people who had not bathed recently!
Bouquet
Toss
In ancient times, it was
believed that a Bride was especially lucky on her wedding day. Guests
would sometimes tear at her dress for a souvenir piece of good luck to
take home. The Bride's tossing of her bouquet grew from her desire to
offer a good luck souvenir, and prevent guests from bothering her (and
her dress!) during her reception.
Bridesmaids
Early Brides and
Bridesmaids wore similar dresses in order to confuse evil spirits.
Bridal
Shower
Back in the days when
weddings were arranged by family members, it is said that a poor
Dutchman fell in love with a girl whose father refused her a dowry.
Their friends showered her with enough gifts to help them start a
household. According to another story, the first "Bridal Shower"
occurred at the end of the 19th century. At a party, the Bride's friends
placed small gifts inside a parasol and opened it over the Bride's head.
When she opened the parasol, she was "showered" with presents!
Bridal
Veil
When marriages were
arranged by family members, the newlyweds very rarely were allowed to
see one another. Family members exchanging a dowry were afraid that if
the Groom didn't like the appearance of the Bride's face, he might
refuse to marry her. This is why the Father of the Bride "gave the Bride
away" to the Groom at the actual wedding ceremony. Only after lifting
her veil just prior to the ceremony did the Groom see the Bride's face
for the first time! Early Greek and Roman Brides wore red or yellow
veils to represent fire, and to ward off demons.
Carrying
The Bride Over The Threshold
When a Groom used to
steal his Bride from her tribe, he was forced to carry her kicking and
screaming. This act of thievery has evolved into a more romantic
gesture, welcoming the Bride into her new home.
Garter
Brides originally tossed
a garter, rather than a bouquet, at a wedding reception. In the 14th
century, this custom changed after Brides became tired of fighting off
drunken men who tried to remove the garter themselves! According to one
legend, the garter toss in England evolved from an earlier tradition of
"flinging the stocking". On their wedding night, guests would follow the
Bride and Groom to their bedroom, wait until they undressed, steal their
stockings, and then "fling" them at the couple! The first person to hit
the Bride or Groom on the head would supposedly be the next person to
marry.
Money
Dance
According to one custom,
when arranged marriages were common, the Groom collected a dowry only
after his marriage was consummated. The money dance insured that the
couple would have some money before they left their wedding reception.
According to another wedding tradition, the people of the village gave
gifts of pottery, livestock, and garden plants to the newlyweds because
the Bride and Groom had no money to acquire these items until they had
children, after which a dowry was exchanged.
Penny In
Shoe
This is a European
tradition to bring the Bride good luck, fortune, and protection against
want. After the Wedding Day, the lucky penny can be turned into a piece
of jewelry as a pendant, charm for a bracelet, or ring setting.
Ring
Finger
Prior to the 5th
century, the ring finger was actually the index finger. Later, it was
believed that the third finger contained the "vein of love" that led
directly to the heart.
Shoes On
Vehicle
Ancient Romans used to
transfer to the Groom his authority over his Bride when her Father gave
the Groom her shoes. In later years, guests threw their own shoes at the
newlyweds to signify this transfer of authority. Today, this tradition
is kept alive by simply tying old shoes to the back of the newlywed's
vehicle before they leave their wedding reception celebration.
Something Old, Something
New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue
This superstition of the
Bride wearing something that fits each of these four categories
originated in Europe to ward off evil spirits. Something Old: This
tradition symbolized the sense of continuity while making the transition
from a single person to that of a married couple. Something New: This
tradition symbolized that marriage represented a transition to
adulthood. Something Borrowed: This tradition symbolized the popular
belief that by borrowing something from a happily married couple, good
fortune would follow the newlyweds. Something Blue: In ancient Israel,
blue was the border color of the Bride's dress, symbolizing purity,
constancy and fidelity.
Stag
Parties
This is the male
equivalent of the Bridal Shower. Roman empire soldiers would feast with
the Groom the night before his wedding to say goodbye to his
irresponsible days of bachelorhood, and to renew their vows of
allegiance to their friendships.
Tossing
Rice
By believing that
newlyweds brought good luck, guests used to shower them with nuts and
grains to insure a bountiful harvest, and many children to work the
land. During years of a poor harvest, rice was tossed instead. This
tradition continues today with rice or birdseed (where permitted), or
bubbles to wish the Bride and Groom much happiness. Incidentally, it is
not true that birds eating rice thrown after a wedding ceremony will
cause their stomachs to enlarge and eventually explode. This myth may
have simply evolved from church and synagogue employees weary from
cleaning up after every wedding ceremony!
Tuxedo
Until the 20th century,
the Groom simply wore his "Sunday best" on his wedding day. It is said
that President Teddy Roosevelt popularized the modern tuxedo.
Tying The
Knot
This comes from the days
of the Roman empire when the Bride wore a girdle that was tied in knots.
The Groom untied the knots prior to the consummation of their marriage.
Wedding
Cake
Also during the days of
the Roman empire, wedding cakes were baked of wheat or barley. At the
reception, they were traditionally broken over the head of the new Bride
by the Groom as a symbol of her fertility. Guests would then scramble
for pieces of the cake, and take them home for good luck. It later
became a tradition to place many small cakes on top of each other as
high as possible. The newlyweds would then try to exchange a kiss over
the top of the tower of cakes without knocking them down. During the
reign of King Charles II of England, the baker added icing, and the
modern style of wedding cake was born. It is unclear when the tradition
of the newlyweds smashing wedding cake into each other's face first
began, and uncertain if such marriages are consummated later that day or
evening!
Wedding
Ring
According to some
historians, the first recorded marriage rings date back to the days when
early man tied plaited circlets around the Bride's wrists and ankles to
keep her spirit from running away. Approximately 3,000 BC, Egyptians
originated the phrase "without beginning, without end" in describing the
significance of the wedding ring. These rings were made of woven hemp
which constantly wore out and needed replacement. Although Romans
originally used iron, gold is now used as a symbol of all that is pure.
Diamonds were first used by Italians, who believed that it was created
from the flames of love. In some European cultures, the wedding ring is
worn on the right hand. In other cultures, an engagement ring is worn on
the left hand, and the wedding ring is worn on the right hand.
Wedding
Toast
It is said that this
tradition first began in France, where bread would be placed in the
bottom of two drinking glasses for the newlyweds. They would then drink
as fast as they could to be the first person to get to the toast.
According to legend, the winner would rule their household!
White
Wedding Dress
This was made popular in
the 1840's by Queen Victoria, who chose this instead of the traditional
royal "silver" wedding dress. Prior to this, Brides simply wore their
best dress on their wedding day.
Popular
Ethnic & Religious Wedding Traditions
Various wedding customs
have their roots and popularity based on ethnic origin.
African-American
At some African-American
wedding ceremonies, newlyweds "jump over a broom" to symbolize the
beginning of a new life. The ritual was created during slavery, when
African-Americans could not legally marry. Some people trace this
wedding tradition to an African tribal marriage ritual of placing sticks
on the ground representing the couple's new home. Today, the jumping of
the broom is a symbol of sweeping away of the old, and welcoming the
new. Broom Jumping can be performed either at the wedding ceremony,
after the minister pronounces the newlyweds husband and wife, or at the
wedding reception just after the Bridal Party enters the reception area.
A fully decorated broom can be purchased at ethnic stores. Other couples
may prefer to use a regular household broom decorated with bows,
flowers, and/or other trinkets in the wedding colors. At some
receptions, guests may participate in the ceremony by tying ribbons
around the broom before the Broom Jumping begins.
Belgian
As the Bride walks up
the aisle at her Wedding Ceremony, the Bride stops and hands her mother
a flower from her bouquet and they embrace. After the Wedding Ceremony
is finished, the new couple walk to the Groom's side of the church and
the Bride gives her mother-in-law a second flower from her bouquet and
they also embrace.
Chinese
The Bride may wear a red
wedding dress, symbolizing love and joy. At the wedding reception, a
nine-course meal (lasting up to three hours) is very popular. A family
member may act as the official "Master of Ceremonies" orchestrating
family introductions, toasts, comedy sketches, and a reenactment of the
newlywed's courtship.
Eastern
Orthodox Church
The rings are blessed by
the Priest, who takes them in hand, and makes the sign of the cross over
the Bride and Groom's head. The "Koumbaros" (Best Man) then exchanges
the rings three times, taking the Bride's ring and placing it on the
Groom's finger, and vice-versa. This exchange signifies that in married
life, the weaknesses of the one partner will be compensated for by the
strength of the other, and the imperfections of one by the perfection's
of the other. Candles are held throughout the Wedding Service, which
begins immediately after the Betrothal Service. The candles are like the
lamps of the five wise maidens of the Bible who, because they had enough
oil in them, were able to receive Christ when He came in the darkness of
the night. The candles symbolize the spiritual willingness of the couple
to receive Christ, Who will bless them through this sacrament. The
Office of the Crowning which follows is the climax of the Wedding
Service. The crowns are signs of the glory and honor that God crowns
them during the sacrament. The Bride and Groom are crowned as the King
and Queen of their own little "kingdom", their home, which they will
(hopefully) rule with wisdom, justice, and integrity.
French
One early French wedding
custom signifies the new alliance created by uniting two families
through marriage. During the Wedding Reception, the new couple raise a
glass of wine from two different vineyards. They then pour their wine
into a third glass and each drinks from it.
German
During the wedding
ceremony, the Groom may kneel on the hem of the Bride's dress to
symbolize his control over her. Not to be outdone, the Bride may step on
the Groom's foot when she rises to symbolize her power over him!
Greek
Some newlyweds wear a
crown of flowers during the wedding ceremony. The couple may walk around
the altar three times representing the Holy Trinity. At the reception,
Greek folk dances are popular, with guests lining up in a single file
line.
Hispanic
During the wedding
ceremony, thirteen gold coins (representing the Groom's dowry to his
Bride) are often blessed by the priest, and passed between the hands of
the newlyweds several times before ending with the Bride. A large rosary
or white rope ("laso") is sometimes wound around the couple's shoulders
in a figure-8 symbol of "infinity" during the wedding ceremony to
symbolize their union as one.
Irish
In the early 1900's, an
Irish couple would walk to church together on their Wedding Day. If the
people of their parish approved their union they would throw rice, pots,
pans, brushes and other household items at the couple as they approached
their church. Today, "hen parties" (Bridal Showers) have replaced this
practice. Some Irish people wear a "claddagh" ring for a wedding
ring. This ring was created by a master goldsmith, Richard Joyce, 400
years ago in a fishing village called Claddagh, which overlooks
Galway Bay. The claddagh symbolizes love, loyalty, and friendship. On
the right hand, with the heart facing inward, it means the wearer's
heart is unoccupied. Facing outwards reveals love is being considered.
When worn on the left hand facing outward, it signifies that the wearer
is seriously committed or married. At some Irish wedding receptions, the
Groom is lifted in a chair ("jaunting car") to celebrate that he is a
married man. For good luck, the newlyweds are given a horseshoe to
display in their home in the upward position. A traditional Irish
wedding cake is a fruitcake. Traditional Irish toasts, in addition to
remarks from the Best Man, are very popular.
Irish Marriage Blessing
May God be with you and
bless you;
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
May you know nothing but happiness.
From this day forward.
Italian
Some Brides may choose
to carry a white silk or satin purse ("busta") to store gifts of money
that are welcomed. "Tarantella" folk dances are popular at the wedding
reception. Another Italian custom is to present five sugar-coated
almonds to the guests which represent health, wealth, long life,
fertility, and happiness.
Japanese
The Bride and her
Parents might visit the Groom's house on wedding day. At the wedding
ceremony, the Bride's wedding gown is often a traditional wedding
kimono. She usually changes into something else at the wedding
reception. The first of nine sips of sake drunk by the Bride and Groom
at their wedding ceremony symbolizes the official union of marriage.
Jewish
It is a Jewish tradition
for a Bride to present her Groom with a tallit to wear for his Aufruf,
the reading of the Torah prior to their ceremony. The Groom's family
often give candlesticks to the Bride that can be used during the actual
wedding ceremony. It is also a custom for Jewish men to cover their
heads at all times, especially during prayers, with a kippot
(yarmulkes), as a form of reverence, respect, and acknowledgement that
God is present everywhere. In some congregations, women also cover their
heads to pray.
Some Orthodox,
Conservative, and Reform wedding ceremonies take place under a chuppah
(wedding canopy). The chuppah is a rectangular piece of cloth large
enough for the Bride, Groom, Rabbi, and sometimes other members of the
wedding party to stand under. The chuppah signifies the new home about
to be shared by the newlyweds. Before the procession to the chuppah, the
tanaim are signed, and the Groom is asked if he is ready to take on the
responsibilities outlined in the kepubah. He signifies his willingness
by accepting a handkerchief or other object offered to him by the Rabbi.
The two witnesses to this sign the ketubah. While the actual text of the
ketubah is never meant to vary, the border decorations on this document
have over the centuries been the subject of remarkable artistic
creations. At the beginning of the wedding ceremony, the Bride might
observe the Biblical custom of "Circling the Groom" seven times. This
practice is seen as a powerful act of definition, where the Bride will
symbolically create the space that they will share as husband and wife.
In Judaism, the number
seven is mystical and represents completion and fulfillment. Just as the
creation of the world was finished in seven days, the seven circles
complete the couple's search for each other.
The bedeken, or veiling,
is a small ceremony in which the Groom lowers the veil over the Bride's
face, and by this act acknowledges that he is marrying the correct
woman. This custom originated in the story of Jacob who didn't see the
face of his Bride prior to his wedding and was tricked into marrying
Leah instead of his intended, Rachel.
The Jewish marriage
ceremony consists of two parts: Erusin (pre-engagement) and Nissuin
(marriage). These ceremonies were historically performed up to one year
apart, but more recently the two have been combined into one ceremony.
The Eursin ceremony begins with Kiddush, the blessing over the wine.
Kiddush is part of
virtually all Jewish observances as a prayer of sanctification. The
exchange of rings completes the Erusin ceremony.
In Jewish law, a verbal
declaration of marriage is not legally binding unless an act of Kinyan,
a formal physical acquisition is completed. This is reached when two
witnesses see the Bride accept a ring from the Groom, and he recites the
words of marriage. After the ketubah has been read at the ceremony, wine
is often poured into a new glass, and the Sheva Berakhot (Seven
Benedictions) are recited over it. The Bride and Groom then drink from
the glass of wine. With the ceremony complete, tradition calls for the
Groom to break the wrapped glass by stomping on it. This final action
symbolizes the destruction of the Holy Temple in Israel, and reminds
guests that love is fragile. The audience may shout Mazel Tov, and the
Bride and Groom kiss.
Immediately after the
wedding ceremony, the couple may spend a few private moments together,
or Yichud as a symbolic consummation of their marriage. Later, the
Mitzvah, or obligation, of rejoicing at a wedding reception is incumbent
on the Bride, Groom, and guests.
Mexican
Red beads are sometimes
tossed at Newlyweds to bring them good luck.
Polish
The Mother of the Bride
may choose to place the veil on the Bride before the wedding ceremony to
symbolize her last task that a Mother does on behalf of her girl before
she becomes a married woman. A traditional folk song ("Twelve Angels")
is sometimes played at the reception, allowing the Bride to transfer her
veil, and good luck to be married, to her Maid of Honor, Bridesmaids,
and Flower Girl. A morning wedding ceremony is sometimes followed with a
brief afternoon luncheon, several hours of downtime when guests return
home, and then a long evening wedding reception. Polka dances and other
audience participation events are very popular.
Scottish
The Groom and his
Groomsmen often wear Scottish kilts (and traditionally no
undergarments!). The Groom may present the Bride with an engraved silver
teaspoon on their wedding day to symbolize that they will never go
hungry. A traditional sword dance is sometimes performed at their
wedding reception.
Spanish
A Spanish Groom gives
sometimes gives his Bride thirteen coins in memory of Christ and the
twelve apostles. The Bride carries them in a small bag during the
Wedding Ceremony as a symbol that the Groom promises to support and care
for her.
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